“I burn with anguish when we are apart, When he returns, with jealous fear;
And when I see him, he assaults my heart; I faint when he is near.
No single moment can I capture bliss, When he is gone, or when he is here.
What in the world can be more strange than this? And yet, he is my dear.”

— Amaru

My story is of intense, passionate love and heartbreak.

From the time I was born, I was destined to be abandoned. I was Madhura in my last life, the most sought-after apsara. I was so proud of my beauty and power that I forgot myself and began lusting after Shiva. Parvati, his wife, came to know of this and, furious with jealousy and rage, cursed me. A supreme goddess’s curse is very powerful and I was turned into a frog instantly. Fortunately, my lord Shiva took pity on me and I was born as a girl on earth. My earlier frog-like form compelled me to live in a well and there, in the deep murky waters, I would have lived, unloved and abandoned, but fortune suddenly smiled on me. I was rescued by the great asura king Mayasura and his kind wife, Hema.

I changed from an apsara to a frog to a girl who belonged to no one, and then to a princess. I was named Mandodari. My adoptive parents brought me up with affection and tender care. I had hundreds of maids to take care of me and I only wore the finest jewels and silk clothes. I became an expert in archery and learnt the science of building mansions from my father, who was a great architect.

Despite my lowly birth, I had grown into such a beautiful woman that all the asura princes in our realm began to fight for my hand as soon as I came of age. But my father, the asura king, had great ambitions for me. He searched for my husband far and wide in the asura world and then he chose the mightiest of them all – he chose Ravana.

I was overjoyed. Which girl would not be? I had heard that Ravana was not only the most handsome, the most powerful king of our time, he was a great scholar too. He had mastered the four Vedas at a very young age and possessed a profound knowledge of Ayurveda and astrology. He was highly skilled in music, dance and occult science. Those who had heard him play the veena said they were transported to a magical world. He had composed the renowned Shiva Tandava Stotram in praise of Lord Mahadeva and the great god had given him many boons.

It gladdened my heart that Ravana was a true devotee of Lord Shiva because I knew that in this life too, I would be attached to the great Lord Shiva in some way. I waited eagerly for my wedding day. I thought about Ravana all the time and longed to see him even for a brief moment.

Finally, our wedding day arrived and I was so overwhelmed with joy, I thought I would die. I tried to calm myself down by praying to Lord Shiva. “Let me be a perfect wife to my husband. Let our love for each other be true and flourish forever,” I chanted. If only I had asked Lord Shiva to give my husband wisdom and good sense that day, or to gift him humility and kindness.

There was great excitement as Ravana flew down to our palace in his golden chariot. Our wedding was the most magnificent ceremony that anybody had ever seen. All the wealth Ravana had taken by force from his half-brother Kubera was put on display and the entire city of Lanka glittered with thousands of lamps like a heavenly abode. The streets were perfumed with the scent of roses. Even the gods in Indralok must have been envious that day of Lanka’s magical beauty.

I was bedecked in the finest jewels since my father too wanted to show off his wealth to everyone present. All the great asuras competed with each other to shower priceless gifts on us. I was thrilled to receive such beautiful jewels but my husband did not even look at them.

“What do you need these insignificant, ordinary jewels for? I already have all the best jewels in the three worlds. Just remember, I am the greatest of all kings assembled here. I am the invincible Lankesh. Who can match my splendour?” he said, an arrogant sneer distorting his handsome face.

I should have realised then the kind of man I had married. But I was besotted with him. I could see no faults in this powerful, mesmerising demon king whom I had been fortunate enough to wed; I loved him with all my heart. He was the only one who mattered in this world. I longed for him day and night. My heart, my body and my soul belonged only to him. I forgot who I was. Nobody but Ravana existed for me. Even when he was not around, I could sense his powerful, thrilling presence and my heart would race with anticipation and joy. I still could not believe that he was my husband and I was his wife.

I did not know that one day this heart of mine would be broken by the very person I loved so much. I only knew that when he looked at me and when he took me in his arms, the world became a magical, glorious place. There was no greater joy for me that to behold this resplendent, mighty asura king who was my lord and master. I was a slave to him and I would do anything to retain his love.

My husband started being unfaithful to me a few months after we were wed. Shocked and filled with sorrow, I could not believe it but when I asked him the reason why he had left our marital bed for another woman, he just laughed. His dark eyes gave me a quick, indifferent glance.

“You are the queen of Lanka. Remember that, Mandodari, and be content with that. You are my first and most important wife. Know this: there will be many more. I have to marry several times to form alliances with neighbouring states. That is the way kings expand their territories. You are a princess and you should know that. So stop sobbing like a common, low-born girl. I hate women who cry for no reason,” he said and stormed out of our bedchamber.

All my dreams of true, eternal love were shattered that day but a worse fate awaited not just me but the entire kingdom of Lanka. We were blinded by our wealth and splendour and could not see the dark clouds approaching our kingdom. All I knew was that Lanka, glittering with its golden palaces and untold riches, was the greatest place on earth and I, Mandodari, was its queen.

Ravana roamed the earth, winning battles and bringing back more wealth. Each time he returned victorious, a new woman was with him, but I steeled my heart and pretended not to care. Suddenly showing great generosity, my faithless husband built me my own golden palace with a vast, magnificent garden. Here, in the shade of the trees, I would sit alone and listen to the servants discussing yet another beautiful new woman my husband had brought from another land. After some time, I became used to these affairs. I had been blessed with a son and Meghnada was my entire life now. Soon, another two sons were born to me. I was content and at peace with myself. I still loved Ravana with all my heart but I knew that I was one of the many women he loved. That was his nature and I had to accept it. What other choice did I have? I told myself each day that I was Ravana’s chief wife, his first wife, and to be happy with just that.

Fate, once again, was watching me with cruel eyes, waiting to create havoc.

Excerpted with permission from Epic Love Stories, Bulbul Sharma, HarperCollins India.